Dating Interview: Soulmates Exist But You Could Be Sabotaging Yourself with Kathryn Alice
Kathryn Alice is the author of the bestseller LOVE WILL FIND YOU, and is an expert on soulmates and spiritual dating. Her work has appeared in PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, USA TODAY, THE NEW YORK TIMES, and much more. Today she shares how finding your soulmate is more than just being lucky, but being mentally prepared to let your soulmate enter your life.
How would you best sum up your philosophy in dating to find your soulmate?
You can’t miss your soulmate, but you can put up some roadblocks or “delays” with fears and being shut down. There are some simple tweaks you can adjust in your attitude and behavior that open you wide to love. As you take these steps, love comes quickly! Shutting down the sabotage is quite effective.
From your experience when people meet their soulmate did they know they were soulmates from the first meeting or was it something that they discover over time?
Studies confirm that only about 10% of people experience love at first sight. So while this does happen, far too many think it HAS to be that way, which is usually not the case. Soulmate recognition more often happens gradually. There is a pull to another person. And as they get to know one another, emotional bonding happens, hearts open, and they find themselves in love.
The best course of action is to be open, give it a chance even if there is slight chemistry, and see what develops. While attraction levels change over time as you get to know someone, if nothing is there at first, you can trust it’s not the right person. Within just a minute or two of conversation, you can tell if there’s any chemistry or not. And settling is not a good idea — unfair to the other person and frustrating for you. It’s GOOD to be picky, and wait for that crackling chemistry that is a sign of soulmate love.
How important is having the right self talk if you are committed to finding your soulmate? Obviously complaining about your situation doesn’t help, so what should people be saying instead?
Negativity and skepticism are major blocks to soulmate love. People should take that kind of self-sabotage very seriously and work on eradicating it. When they catch themselves being negative or disbelieving, they should stop going down that line of thinking. And then, replace the complaining with more positive thoughts on love. “Lots of folks have found soulmate love, and I can, too.” Or “I have every hope for love, and because it’s taking me longer, I will never take my love for granted.” Finding a more positive slant is critical.
The first chapter of my book LOVE WILL FIND YOU talks about believing that your person is out there. Finding that faith again is a key in magnetizing soulmate love, which is why self-talk is so important.
I’ve taught in over 50 cities, and in every one, people complain that dating is hard in their town. I invite people never to utter that sentiment again. Because when they do, they confirm it and make it true for themselves. When you espouse a belief, you reinforce it by finding evidence that backs it up. And no one really wants dating to be rough in their town. As they no longer participate in that thought, they become the exceptions, the ones who end up in the engagement listings in the newspaper!
What happens when you think you’ve met your soulmate, but the other person doesn’t think the same?
They’re not your soulmate. The very definition of soulmates is MUTUAL love. While you might have gotten closer in that this person has everything you want, an important ingredient is mutuality. If that person is not equally enthused, they fail as soulmate material. Remind yourself that your soulmate will be even hotter to you AND available, do a release and move on. Otherwise, you will find yourself extremely frustrated as you try to continue something that is not flowing.
Let’s say you are lucky enough to find your soulmate what tips would you give for keeping your soulmate in a time where the divorce rate is over 50%?
Soulmate love is inherenty programmed to succeed. Most of those who end up divorced settled for someone who was not their soulmate, and therefore ensured the failure of the relationship. Success is almost built in when you’re with the One.
However, if you have a pattern of being extremely judgmental, always finding fault or worrying things to death, you need to work on that. Even with your soulmate, that pattern can reemerge and chip away at a perfect relationship. Affirm that relationships are NOT hard, a belief I find people espouse far too often. Keep seeing the very things that made you fall in love in the first place. Let go of any fault-finding. Stay close and in communication. And never take this precious love for granted. The last chapter in my book LOVE WILL FIND YOU outlines how to have a relationship from heaven. It believe this is entirely possible, and I see more and more of these amazing relationships blossoming — where the 7th honeymoon is better than the first, it stays new, and the couple just gets closer and closer.