Dating Interview: Forget First Dates I Couldn’t Even Get Women to Respond to My Messages with Joshua Pompey
Joshua Pompey is a Dating Coach, author, and founder of the The Real Online Game, a website and resource he created to help people be successful with dating online. Joshua himself admits to once being the symbol of the struggling online dater, but after much study he finally found what worked. Today he shares what worked.
Part of the reason you started The Real Online Game is to help others who had frustrating online dating experiences like you had when you started. What was the biggest struggle or biggest frustration you had with online dating?
Great question. For those who know don’t know my story, the reason I eventually went on to discover and put together the ideas behind The REAL Online Game is because I was once the symbol of a struggling online dater. Frustration became a natural part of my daily life after singing up for online dating.
Forget about receiving first dates. I couldn’t even get a single woman to respond to my emails. I would try everything I could think of, from acting nice, to funny, to cocky, and everything in between. I’d try all different types of picture combinations, and profiles. But as frustrating as not receiving responses was, perhaps my biggest frustration was the sheer amount of time I wasted every single week of my life.
Not only was I not receiving responses, but I was spending hours in front of the computer every single night. There is nothing worse than not only failing at something, but paying to fail, while spending half your life in front of a computer screen! I already had a full time job that left me feeling just short of exhaustion by the time I got home. Now I had online dating, which felt like nothing more than a second job that was created for the sole purpose of shattering my self-esteem on a daily basis.
As someone who is mildly OCD, I not only spent endless hours in front of the computer, but also became obsessive about the whole process, checking my empty inbox around the clock. Perhaps it is my mild OCD that eventually saved me, as it drove me to one day dedicate my life to working around the clock finding solutions to my problems. But without a doubt, the endless time wasted on the computer, only to be rejected on a daily basis, was my biggest frustration.
When it comes to meeting and attracting women (or men) people talk a lot about “game.” How do you define game? And what is the difference between online game versus offline game?
When it comes down to it, I think the courting process is always a game to an extent. There are general ways to make women respond to us, all we have to learn is how to trigger these reactions. The difference between what I teach, and what some of the less effective experts out there teach, is that none of my advice encourages men to be people they aren’t. I don’t encourage manipulative tactics; have immoral techniques, or anything of this nature. I simply help men reveal their best selves through the profiles they write, the pictures they put up, and the emails they create. Online dating as a whole is a game before receiving a first date, and I show them the rules of the playing field.
I like to think of my teachings as taking all of your best qualities, and finding ways to present them in ways that will make women feel as if you are not only a great guy, but as if they need to date you. I truly believe that this is why The REAL Online Game services have a 99% success rate, and work for everyone. Because I provide the groundwork that will help any man to understand women better, and learn how to conquer the brutal world of online dating.
To answer your second question, while there are countless differences between the online world and picking up women in the “real” world, as they are both completely different animals, the biggest differences are two fold. One, the competition is a hundred times more intense online. And two, almost all of our communication is expressed through the written word, not body language or verbal communication. If we don’t learn how to master pushing through the competition, in addition to learning how to write in ways that propel us to the front of the line, we will never succeed.
Some people may be skeptical about hiring someone to write their online profile since they believe that it’s not being authentic. How would you respond? And also, how effective is a profile writing service? Do you have any success stories you can share?
I would make the argument that since launching my profile service three years ago, not one person has ever requested a refund, despite a 100 Percent Guarantee. The reason for this likely has to do with just how authentic we are. Our profile writers assess the personalities of our customers with 27 questions that help us get to know them inside and out. We then take these questions, and use the teachings of The REAL Online Game to create profiles that are not only completely original, but also specifically constructed to create high levels of interest, all while staying completely true to who we are as individuals.
As far as success stories, we have had countless customers thank our profile writing staff with various comments (some of which are posted on my site). In addition, we have even written the profiles a few celebrities whom I cannot name. I’m not talking the Tom Cruises of the world, more of the low-key type celebrities, but yes, believe it or not, many celebrities do secretly online date while keeping their profile photos hidden until they decide to reveal themselves. Perhaps the biggest testimonial to our success though is when we don’t hear anything from customers. When we never hear from them again, it usually means that our customers are finding success, and this is a good thing.
For people starting out with online dating what sites and approach do you recommend? Do you tell them to cast a wide net (ie join many sites) or take a narrower approach (ie just join one or two sites)?
My advice would be to stick to one site in the early stages of online dating. Online dating can be very overwhelming when starting out, so stay focused and harness your skills. Once becoming more fluent at mastering how to have success, then join a few sites, and spread your wings a bit.
My top recommendation would be Match.Com, as this is the biggest site out there, with the most options, and overall, largest selection of quality women. I would avoid OkCupid before becoming more masterful at online dating, as this site tends to have women that don’t respond nearly as often as other sites. Plenty of Fish is probably the easiest site to gain responses, just be aware, the quality of women does not match the paying sites if you are looking to find a serious relationship.
What’s the biggest problem you see people have with online dating? What do you advise people to do to fix this problem?
I think the biggest problem I see with online dating is men simply not understanding what females are attracted to. Too many men write emails , profiles, and place up pictures that may look and sound nice, but do little to push themselves past the competition in ways that will make women interested and develop strong feelings of attraction. Just like we can’t learn to play the piano, or play a game of chess without first learning the fundamentals behind the skill, we can’t succeed at online dating without understand the basics of how the female mind works.
But perhaps the biggest problem is men ignoring just how important the online dating profile is. Women are attracted to men based mainly on internal characteristics. Our profiles are the biggest window into showcasing these characteristics, and creating the attraction that we need to succeed. Too many men focus the most on pictures, and this is a big mistake.