myTreat Blog - Social Skills

Dating Interview: Want Sex? Be the Best Guy You Can Be with Emily Morse

Emily Morse is a sex and relationship expert who hosts the radio podcast Sex With Emily and who also stars in the Bravo reality show Miss Advised. She’s known for being the sexpert who delivers her advice in a non-judgemental and humorous way. Today she shares some of her sex advice when it comes to dating and relationships.

I’m sure you’ve been asked this, as many guys all want to know, but when dating someone new what can guys do to increase their chances of having sex on a date?

When dating someone new it’s important to be confident, honest, kind, generous in your words and gestures. Listen. Be present. Remember what she says. Ask her about it later. Compliment her, when you feel it. Entertain her and no you don’t have to be funny to do so. Get to know her for who she is before throwing sex into the mix.

What does all of this have to do with increasing the chances of having sex on a date? Well, everything. Be the type of person she wants to sleep with and she’ll be more likely to sleep with you, eventually.

And Don’t forget the Dont’s: don’t pressure your date into having sex with you. Don’t be aggressive or abuse alcohol or other substances.

The sex will happen when the timing is right and you’re the best guy you can be.

When and what should people consider before having sex with someone new they are dating? Is there a guideline you think people should follow (ie, no sex until date number 3)?

People should wait as long as possible to have sex when they first start seeing someone new. When people have sex too soon, they get pre-maturely attached to the person and the sex. Especially with hormones raging like oxytocin “the cuddle hormone”, we think we know someone just because we had sex with them. Best to take the time to get to know each other before you throw sex into the equation. They say love is a blind for a reason: when we become blinded by lust we can’t see the raging red flags in the distance. We’re more likely to overlook flaws and less likely to see this person who they really are. Take time to enjoy the person and pay attention. Remember, the anticipation is what makes the sex even hotter.

After dating someone for some time the topic of how many sexual partners the other person has will come up? What do you recommend people do in this situation? Tell the truth (even if the truth might be perceived poorly)?

Never ever tell your number. This topic shouldn’t even come up, but it often does in relationships. I highly suggest you don’t have this conversation with your partner. No one ever wins. If your number is too high - you’re a “slut” or a “player.” If your number is too low - you have no experience or you’re ‘lying.” This is usually how the conversation goes down with slight variations and almost always ends with bad feelings all around. Save yourself and your partner the frustration from this no-win situation and don’t even play this card.

Should your partner ask the ill-fated question “So, how many people have you slept with?” You can answer simply, “All I think about now is the sex we’re having together and it’s amazing.” Don’t entertain any further line of questioning. For now, just add this to your “do not ask’ list.

When dating someone new who you are having sex with how do you bring up the topic of what you like or don’t like while having sex with them (hopefully without hurting the other person’s feelings)?

Communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like sexually is one of the most important things a couple can do to maintain a healthy relationship. The “when and where” to have these conversations is a delicate decision. If you have issues with something your partner is doing (or not doing) in bed, it’s usually best to talk about it outside the bedroom (unless you’re in pain). Bring it up during breakfast, while you’re talking a walk or just hanging out. This way it doesn’t spoil the mood, make your partner feel defeated or insecure.

Talking about your sexual desires should be done in a positive, playful and constructive manner. Always start with what you do like, “Gosh I love it when you nibble my ears” - and then you add your tip.- “and I’ll bet it would feel amazing if you kissed my neck.”

This way you’ve reinforced your partner, and gave an indication of something you’d like to experience. Then you can ask your partner, “What do you like about our sex life and is there anything you’d like to do to enhance it?”

If there’s something that your partner is doing that you don’t like, let them know that you enjoy having sex, something you really like about it and tell them directly it doesn’t feel as good when (fill in the blank). Again this reinforces the positive and allows you to be honest about what doesn’t feel right.

It’s key to be delicate in these situations but with the right tone, message and affirmation you can all be having the best sex of your lives. And isn’t that what you want?

What is your take on “friends with benefits”? Do you think it is possible to maintain strictly platonic feelings with someone you are sleeping with?

“Friends with benefits” relationships only work if both people are on the same page about what the relationship is all about - sex with no strings attached. If both people agree to these terms and what ‘no strings attached’ means for them, then they’re good to go. The problem with FWB relationships is that they rarely work out this way. Usually one of the partners wants more than the other, and agrees to the terms with hopes they can change the person to want to be with more exclusively. There’s often a mismatch and while many of these relationships might start out healthy, it can often end when one person finds another partner or someone simply changes their mind. It can be very challenging for some people to have a FWB relationship because it doesn’t have the even the illusion of security that comes with most relationships. If someone chooses to engage in a FWB they have to put jealousy aside and take it for what it is: sex. Sure, some couples can have successful “no strings attached relationships” but I find them to be few and far between.

Connect with Emily Morse

• Site: http://emilymorse.com/
• Podcast: Sex With Emily
• Twitter: @SexWithEmily